Generally I am against mixing languages in sentences as it generally sounds like giber-glish; especially when it is phone conversation. Assassin’s Creed 2, well, this seems to be the exception to my rule. The dialog in my opinion, is actually ENHANCED by this adding that touch of the proverbial pesto to the bland dish of the original Assassin’s Creed. Some thirty hours of dialog and playtime later, I find myself uttering the occasional phrase plucked from the game. Unfortunately I cannot say that this has been the best eduction, for most of these words tend to be of the, shall we say, colorful variety.

You may have noticed my language is of the adult variety; that’s me. I’ve always said that you can’t trust a person that doesn’t curse at least a little bit, they’re obviously hiding something. This may be my philosophy but let me tell you something, when you have a kid, this goes completely out the fucking window—now it hasn’t happened yet but I’m fairly certain The Next Gen here is going to utter damnit by the age of four (just like his Mama except not in Dutch). I’m said some pretty horrible stuff in my time but for some reason, this will actually make me feel some kind of shame. Porca Vacca!

With any luck, AC2 will help me teach TNG how to swear in Italian and thus the rare Italian speaker will be offended and everyone else will be none the wiser! Mainly I find myself saying things like, “Fa bene”, or “Requiescant in pace,” which are by far the most common things you hear tossed into the language, but I couldn’t help but be curious about the multitude of swear words I’ve encountered in this game, like I said, I live colorfully. Enter Google.

That’s where I saw . . . it!

Only my warped mind, revolving around the badness of Bayonetta this week would notice, nay, be drawn to the following information. You’d have to be blind to not realize that Bayonetta was created solely as digital jerk off material for gamers; not me obviously but somebody. Anyway, Bayonetta was published by SEGA, now supposedly, in Italian, SEGA references to male masterbation. Go figure.

Obviously, I have problems, but how funny is this! More disturbing if you think of the company; perhaps Italy had itself a little laugh at their silliness in yet another one of SEGA’s awesome naming brainstorm parties.

As far as my gaming goes, I’m almost complete with the main story line of AC2 and man has it been a wild, as well as dramatic ride! Ubisoft did a fantastic job and I find myself with the unique need of playing the living hell out of this game—collecting every god damn thing in it. So stay tuned. I’ll get there, I promise.